it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Quick, to the slutcave!
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize