You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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