I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
you win again, gameday.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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