Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
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