I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
