Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
