TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
