The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
