Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
