wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
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