dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
