bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize
