I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
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