"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Randomize
