She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Randomize
