he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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