do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
