i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize