Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
