i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
