so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
