So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
