You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
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