Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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