i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
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