i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
