My nipple is on Facebook.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
