She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
