You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
