im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Randomize
