I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
