Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
