but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
