my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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