A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize