I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
