just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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