TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
