i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize