I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
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