Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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