So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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