I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
