There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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