So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
