im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
