smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I smell stomach acid.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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