the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
