he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
