i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
