I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
