By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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