I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
