His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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