I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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