Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
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