i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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