My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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