Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
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