I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
