I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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