My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Your topless pictures make me question reality
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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