she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
