Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
