If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
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