i always forget guys have bellybuttons
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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