dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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