omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
