i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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