the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
So squirting runs in the family.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Randomize
