I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
