Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
