i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
