I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I love having hate sex.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
