It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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