She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Randomize
