Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
