Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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