She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
