Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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