can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
