she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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