It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Randomize
