hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Randomize
