Me. At least after what I've been through.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Randomize
