Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
