I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
