My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
