you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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