I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
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