guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize