i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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