Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
pray to the hookup gods
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
