Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
