ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
how drunk are you?
Several
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Randomize
